I have had some upheavels and some big changes and learned things about myself that I am really happy about, and some that I am not so happy about.
Since I believe in fair warning, and I am also trying to learn to benefit from other's mistakes instead of insisting on making them myself, here are some things that I have learned.
1. Stevie Wonder radio on pandora is ALWAYS a good choice. ALWAYS.
2. Moving on is not about forgetting something so much as it is about allowing it to become a part of you in a way that allows you to continue going forward.
3. The idea of 'no regrets' is short sighted and naive. Learning something does not mean that you should have done what you did. You probably could've learned it another way, or better yet, you probably already knew it and you just ignored that.
4. There may in fact only be one person for everyone out there. I haven't completely switched camps on this, but I have decided enough people were not for me to begin to believe that the pool is perhaps smaller than I previously believed.
5. Your family will drive you crazier than anyone else, but they are still your family at the end of the day. Cherish the days when things are going well, be angry on the days that they aren't, but never stop loving.
6. You don't have to have an abusive/neglectful father as a girl to have a father who totally screwed you up. As a matter of fact, you can have a GREAT father and still have major daddy issues that you need to work through.
7. Prefessional therapists are perhaps some of the most valuable members of society today. At least mine is.
8. Seeking professional help does not make you crazy. It makes you smart and humble enough to know you need help sometimes.
9. People are more important than money, but your view of money will define your view of people.
10. Online dating is weird. It's funny and interesting and entertaining, but mostly it's weird. I like to talk to people in person. Also, I have no interest in the 42 yr old construction worker from Boston who sent this to me, but if this sort of thing appeals to you, you can find him on ChristianMingle.com ;)
I have also learned that God has far more grace for me than I usually allow myself. Actually, that's not true. God ALWAYS has more grace for me than I allow myself. And he shows it in a million different ways, usually through other people. From my therapist (who won't take my crap, but also thinks I'm awesome), to the wonderful, romantic, Jesus following man I've been seeing who knows some of my more severe shortcomings and still told me that I get to wear white. For us girls, this is a powerful image. I don't care if women wore blue before Queen Victoria- white is pure, clean, and blameless. White is the color of virgins, of girls who don't drink too much and don't smoke and swear and girls who never hooked up with an ex in a cheating, cross faded haze. I have pondered this fact more than most, and I know that this young man's words were not really his, but were Jesus, wrapping me up in a warm fuzzy daddy/big brother style hug that I need so desperately, reminding me that I am clean and without blemish because he says so, and HE is king, not my mistakes.
On the same token, I have seen myself (usually after the fact) being used as a vessel of grace and forgiveness for other people. I have been able to look at the mistakes of those around me with a much greater amount of mercy than I would have been previously capable of. I no longer draw some of the now seemingly arbitrary moral lines that others do- because I have to believe that people are redeemable and can change if they are convicted and transformed by Christ. If this isn't true, then I am screwed...
I still hold convictions about things being right or being wrong, but I have begun to see the world in a softer shade of grey, as it were, where people are concerned. While people are still selfish and are still, at thei base, not good creatures apart from God, I see now that more often than not, people really are just trying to do the best that they know how to. And I can take some respite in this idea.
As I continue in life, as I grow and change and (hopefully) mature, I know that I can count on the people I love, and some people that I haven't met yet, to challenge me and my ideas, heart, and convictions so that I slowly become more and more like the person that Christ made me to be. And that fills me with hope.
